May 31, 2011

I think too much

Well I was gonna do a post on the dreaded C word -

I’ve read a lot about it in the past. In text books, magazines and online blogs. I've watched videos and documentaries, heard it thrown around conversation at college and at work, even at home. It's something that not alot of people would associate with a raw food diet ...

So it might come as a surprise to you that I have infact been living with Candida this past week. Yep! The big bad C-word noone likes to talk about. Which is kinda funny as I think 9 out of 10 females have had it at some point – if not regularly, and I don’t think I’ve ever read a blog post from someone saying “I’m suffering right now!” so here you go!

Whilst I was away in Cairns I was eating loads of fruit and not nearly as many greens, I was also drinking delicious espressos which I don’t normally do, and munching on some amazing handmade vegan dark chocolates -  more sugar.
Nikki’s house mate Chris was suffering from cold and flu symptoms whilst I was staying with them, so when I began sniffling, and coughing and getting headaches I figured I had just caught something from him…

Until I returned home and had SEVERE sugar cravings! Not just the “oh I feel like something sweet” (for me – that means a date or two stuffed with coconut oil)… it was more like “god damn it give me all the sweets available to man kind right now!!” I’d get out of bed and just want sugar; fruit and more fruit for brekkie followed by a dozen dates or so and then raw choccie, wanting even more… which is no problem for some people but knowing I don’t usually eat and crave that much sugar rings alarm bells.

And then there came the dreaded itching - you know what I mean girls. I had enough symptoms by now. So one morning whilst doing a few things online I decided to Google “candida diet” to see if anything showed up that I wasn’t already aware of… did you a blocked nose and headaches are also signs of Candida! I had no idea. I put those down to my “cold/flu/thing”…
Now I’m left wondering if I ever had a cold-flu-thingy? Was it just Candida all along?

It’s hard to say as for the past 4 days I’ve had splitting headaches come and go – a symptom of the flu, but also a symptom of candida. Hmmm… and what I'm hoping was the grand finale, last night I was HIT HARD with by far the WORST MIGRANE I have ever suffered in my life! And I've had a few. This was 100x the worst no exaggeration. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. And I had never actually been sick from a migrane but last night I was in and out of bed running to the porcelain bowl 6 or 7 times which only made trying to sleep even harder.

It's in my nature to try and work everything out and why things might be showing up the way they do; I like nutting it all out like a human puzzle, but one thing after the other lately has been driving me bonkas trying to understand!

What the f*#k is going on? 

So the twist...I began this blog a couple of days ago and wrote out my list of things to help with yeast infections and candida… but it doesn’t feel right to roll out that list now. I’m feeling more a pull to write about how I'm feeling right now. And looking after myself. Holistically. I’ve come to realize that I’m forever striving for PERFECT HEALTH. Not such a bad goal in reality – but I think my end goal in getting to such a destination is preventing me from enjoying the JOURNEY along the way.
I love my work, my studies, my blogging, my exercise, my kitchen fun… I'm doing, and doing and doing and feel (it’s all perspective right?) that I don’t often have time to just chill out. On the odd morning where I can actually have a sleep in, I still decide to bound out of bed to do yoga or go to the markets early. Clean the house or just get going! I'm a morning person and don't like lying in bed (much to the dislike of my partner on that odd day we do get a lie in together). When I’m given opportunities of rest I don’t take them. I know this. I've never taken the opportunities and usually suffer because of it.

Admitting there's a problem is the first step to recovery though!

Life always throws me something like a migrane when I literally have to rest (and desperatly need mind-rest) – no if's or but's (last year I suffered a pinched sciatic nerve after over-training and was on a walking stick!! Try working with that - I had too). I can’t even lie in down and read today. I've just gotta lie. I’m on the couch right now and have been snacking of red grapes, apples, and nuts which I'm happy to have kept down. My tummy is starving but my head is saying no to everything. Wanting all available energy to do the healings up top no doubt. Good body :) I've been watching day time TV (ie. no brain function needed) all day and now slowly slowly typing this up.

It's clear to me I needed rest but after a week in Cairns (rest capital) I had to wonder if it wasn't something else. Maybe it was? Maybe it wasn't? Who knows? Who will ever? Who cares? Noone but me obviously. It is what it is. Acceptance. Maybe now it will go...

So in all my ramlings and around-about-way at looking at things... I hear the old cliches in my head -

Life's a journey; it's not so much about the destination. I think of rushing to get somewhere to find out it's not what you expected and you've missed everything on the way. I'm a pretty darn healthy chic, I've just gotta believe it more. Be grateful for where I am and my health more and things flow. I know. I've been there. But it;s easy to get caught up in the yuckiness thinking everything could be better... only to later realise that's exactly when things started going down hill...

Food for thought...

as the afternoon sun is beginning to rear its head :)

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