WHAT TO DO NOW... I'M STILL WORKING IT OUT

 
Ok so I was really hoping I would have gotten my super-quick-super-easy-fuss-free-minimal-ingredient-Carob Cake recipe to you guys by now (you can find a pic on my Facebook page here), along with another post/update of how I've been doing since my TCM appointment (if you're unsure of what I'm talking about, read this post)… but as you can see I've not written anything. I think I’ve just about learnt now that each day is so totally unpredictable for me in terms of my energy levels that planning and sticking to plans are starting to appear as pointless. Like today; the plan was to study all day and instead I've been lying in bed all day. And as such the blog posts I wanted to write never got written.

EXHAUSTED BEYOND WHAT I THOUGHT WAS POSSIBLE

I haven’t really been keeping you all updated on how my adrenal exhaustion is going, and as things have changed a little I thought I’d give you an update. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, feel free to read a recent-ish post about it all here.

Since then I felt I was doing pretty well until little by little (of which I was completely unaware of until it all became too much) everything started rolling downhill. 

Trying to Heal With Cooked Foods

Roasted vegies with steamed baby kale

I know I know, I’ve been "MIA" as I’ve seen it written up ("Missing In Action" for those a little slower to catch on - I feel for you coz it’s usually me) but I' ve been very humbled by a few people asking me when my next post was coming up; and from people I didn't even know read my blog! So thankyou :)

Last week I was house sitting with no Internet (which was actually quite peaceful) and since then I’ve been busy finishing assessments for college, going to college, working... Minimal gym sessions thanks to a vertebrae deciding to pop out of where it’s supposed to live leaving me in quite a lot of pain, but on the plus side I’ve been doing more yoga which has been wonderful! Aside from that, same old same old, except for my diet -

Cooked foods.

Yep. And pretty much solely. A complete 180. For the last month about I’ve been eating a cooked food diet (if there is such a thing?) to try and heal. Wait - try and heal? Heal what? Yep... read on.

I’m a firm believer in listening to what your body needs. I also believe that one particular way of eating definatley does not work for everyone. A raw food diet is fantastic; but not for everyone. A cooked vegan diet is wonderful; but it doesn’t produce energetic-life-giving results to every individual either. Consuming meat is what some people find their body needs in order to function at optimum. And sometimes (which in my experience is usually a slow and steady learning process) it can take a lot of trial and error to get there.

The reason I began eating a solely raw vegan diet was to enhance and further my spirituality. Now I know that might sound as far out there as the thought of aliens and extraterrestrials (so let’s not go there either), but I also know that for some of you, you will be nodding your heads in agreeance or at least in understanding.

So why have I been eating cooked foods? Maybe metaphysically I needed a little pit stop to ground myself before going any further spiritually? A reality check kinda. Who knows. But what I do know was the way my body was feeling the past 3-4 months was not it's optimal. And I was getting really sick of it.

Chickpea and Quinoa Jumbo with Steamed Green Veg

I had been feeling very under the weather to say the least. I’m usually the one bouncing around with energy, feeling great, sleeping well, eating loads. Instead I’d been experiencing tiredness, lethargy, moodiness, constant recurrent headaches, a few migranes, and to be blunt, I couldn’t be f#$*@d doing much!

I didn’t know what was wrong.

From memory it kinda started not long after I had been away on retreat; drinking smoothies for 6 days and doing enemas daily. After another colonic and infra red sauna back in Sydney (they were the icing on the cake where I detoxed hard core!) only then I felt amazing! But not too long after, continuing with enemas for a couple of weeks, there was a low-lying BLAH feeling hanging around.

I was going to bed earlier and earlier, keeping up with my workouts but not over doing it. I tried eating more for energy. Then I tried eating less so my body could rest. Work was the same. College was the same. No other really major dramas going on but I constantly felt exhausted. All the time. And didn’t know what else to do.

Until one session with my kinesiologist where he mentioned I had a “Spleen Qi deficiency” and needed more warming, cooked, drying foods as the amount of raw, cold, juices, salads, smoothies etc was only making things worse (looking back now, filling my colon with water would have obviously been excacerbating the problem more so). 

I left there and decided to do my own research on this “spleen qi deficiency” thing as I’ve been digging my head deeper and deeper into Chinese Medicine and Food Therapy of late and am hooked! A firm believer in herbal remedies and traditional methods I’ve never doubted Chinese Medicine; I just didn’t know enough. So after books and books and online research I was very surprised with what I found -

According to Traditional Chinese Medicine (also known as TCM) the Spleen relates to more than the organ itself – it is a system including physical, emotional and mental processes. The Qi is the life force that flows through living beings and it is the energy that enables each organ system to do its job.

So a Spleen Qi Deficiency means that the life force of the Spleen is low, and it won’t be able to perform its functions properly. OK, but the function of the Spleen is what exactly?

I’ll give you one guess… Digestion. Go figure. Story of my life.

The Spleen is in charge of turning food into Qi and then moving it along to our four limbs. So when this doesn’t happen it’s no surprise one would be feeling tired all the time. The body’s ability to generate Qi from foods eaten is compromised, and digestive strength is greatly compromised.

Signs and symptoms include:

- endless loops of worry - yep

- feeling ungrounded or spacey - yep

- weakness and tiredness – hell yeh

- prolonged headaches – they coulda killed me

- bloating of stomach – so uncomfortable

- constipation - yep

- bloody stools with cramps in abdomen – cramps yeh, thankfully no blood

- poor appetite – big time! So not like me

- dizziness - yep

- tired eyes - yep

- in the morning the symptoms tend to become worse – yes yes

- limbs are weak – didn’t wanna move

- tongue is pale and swollen – "scalloped" sides are the tell tale sign, and yep I had em!

- craves sweets – hell yeh

- hemorrhoids – thank god no

And the causes:

- excessive cold, damp, cooling foods

- raw foods, juices, smoothies

- worry, overthinking (taking energy away from digestion), stress... me, me, me!!!

The Spleen is an Earth element organ system, so if we consider what happens to soil when there is too much water - it turns to mud, and things get stuck in the mud – that too is happening inside someone with a Spleen Qi deficiency.

All this was another spin on whatever ‘condition’ I had been suffering from, and as every single symptom and every single cause matched up to my reality, I couldn’t not consider this possibility. All that and the fact that my intuition knew this was my problem and I knew how to rectify it. The only thing I don’t know is how long for.

Warm oat groats with cinnamon, honey and LSA

So for the past month I have been Nourishing My Spleen the way Chinese Medicine has been doing for centuries; eating foods that are deeply nourishing while being easy to digest, and warm in temperature and energetics. Cooked and fresh foods.

Things I've been eating are things like:

- cooked whole grains, brown rice, oats, barley, quinoa

- pumpkin, sweet potatoes, zucchini, carrots, parsnips, onions, garlic, turnip, mushrooms, fennel, broccoli, cauli, loads and loads of quick-steamed leafy greens (can’t live without my greens)

- chick peas (my home made hummous), black beans, kidney beans, adzuki beans (no sprouts allowed due their cooling effect boo-hoo), small amounts of tempeh and miso

- stewed fruits like apples and pears with cinnamon, dates, dried figs, sour cherries, honey, maple syrup

- black pepper, fresh ginger, cinnamon, nutmeg, small amounts of chilli

- and loads and loads of tea!

And ontop of all that I've been making sure I properly sit down to eat, with no distractions, to give my digestion the best possible chance at doing it's job properly. Eating slowly and mindfully. Giving thanks for my food.

But now what? Well I went back to see my kinesiologist and was itching to know if anything had changed, but (no doubt divine timing and a sign to do this cooked thing a little longer) I mentioned before I had a vertebrae pop out of place, so I spent my 90min session wincing and tensing every muscle as I was poked and prodded and manipulated into fixing that up – much better now of course, the man’s a genius!

As for my Spleen Qi and the cooked foods thing... I’m the first to admit I usually like a quick-fix and feel a little disheartened when I don’t get it; "when will this all be better? How long does it take?" But anyone that knows me well knows that I have a tendency of saying “hindsight is a very valuable thing” and I know this to be true at my core. I’ve experienced it time and time again as I’m sure most of you have too. I also know from experience that as soon as I let go of how I want something to be (and my strong wanting for it to BE quickly) things do usually happen quickly, and time flies by. And before I know it; BAM there’s that hindsight!

Surprisingly so, I’ve felt pretty good eating cooked foods again. Anytime previously I’ve felt either very ill, extremely bloated, constipated, sleepy, or like I’ve been covered head to toe in a blanket (nice in Winter though hey). This time my energy levels almost immediately felt much better, my appetite returned, and I haven’t had a headache since. I feel a lot calmer and seem to have been worrying less, sleeping better, and waking up feeling alive (such a good feeling when you’ve felt the total opposite for too long)!!

Warm Lentils and Tomato with Greens and Avo

But a part of me did experience a feeling of death a couple of days ago which brought on tears and strong emotions which was unusual. Death of something past of death of something present I don’t know. My body felt dead. And immediately I felt a strong pull to raw foods. My body wanted the living foods again. I’ve since had a few salads, fresh fruits and today a massive veggie juice and two wheatgrass shots… and feel FABULOUS!

So where to from here? I’ve kinda left you all in the lurch as to what I’m doing now but I’m not even sure myself. I get a feeling that for the next little while there will be warm cooked wholefoods on my plate alongside more salads and juices but like I said, who knows? I don’t want to predict what I will do coz I know from my past that anytime I set out to try and structure the way I eat, I run into problems.

Whatever I do decide to do in each and every moment, I do know that a person with a healthy Spleen feels content and relaxed without overwhelm or confusion, and that’s something I’d choose over chaos and scatteredness anyway.

Oat Superfood Cookies

Enjoy your food.

Whatever it may be :)

Nourishing Cooked Foods

At the top of my street there's a cute little Indian take away place. Not the dodgy greasy kind, but a nice small shop where all the dishes are cooked with loving hands each day by the Indian guys that work there. I walk past it everyday and have done so since it opened over 2yrs ago. And everyday I've seen petite crispy vegie samosa's through the window and have wanted to try them. But a bigger part of me intuitively felt that I would feel ill if I did. And so I never bought one. Never even ventured in - but then again if you wern't going to buy anything, why would you?

This evening on my way home from work after my kinesiology/Chinese Medicine session that I LOVE and look forward to every 3 weeks, I walked past the little Indian place again, and had the same thought; "yum yum vegie samosas", only tonight, I turned around, walked in, and bought one.

I walked home, sorted out my "coffee meditation" (my enema) that I'm currently doing daily, before later sitting down to try one of the crispy samosas I had looked at through the shop window everyday for over 2yrs (a part of me wondered if it was a little counter-productive to do so after an enema but admittedly I didn't really care).

A cooked vegie samosa for a girl that eats raw? Well yes. And why not? Today felt right. Oh how cliché yeh? But for me that’s exactly it. It felt right. The minute I turned around and spoke to the Indian man, it felt right. Almost a 'mothering' energy to what I was doing. I know that the catalyst for change was largely due to the kinesiology session I had – and the horrendous migrane I suffered from last Monday and Tuesday.

Whilst couch-bound last week I watched a DVD on food, nutrition and the links they have with Chinese Medicine. Fascinating! Fascinating!! Omg! Chinese Medicine is something I’ve only very recently gotten into but it’s definatley something I will be furthering my knowledge in. So in watching this DVD, the first topic they spoke about was, believe it or not, MIGRANES. A lot of people look to avoiding certain foods that might be causing migranes (traditionally alcohol, chocolate, bread, dairy, tomatoes, mushrooms – everything I don’t eat bar the last two), but in Chinese Medicine they look more at the cravings one might be experiencing prior to a migrane surfacing to help find the cause; if you're craving coffee and spices then your body is in excess, where as if you're craving sugar, sweets and carbs then your body is deficient.  Interesting point numero uno.

Furthering that, the spleen is like the KING organ in Chinese Medicine, and closely linked to migranes. I remember the DVD talking about warming foods, nothing raw and nothing cold to help with any spleen issues. Chinese Medicine on the whole is against cold foods - think about it, Asian cuisine is so tightly tied in with tea at every meal to help warm the body (amongst many other things).

So when I saw my kinesiologist this afternoon and told him I wanted to look at my headaches and migranes (which for me are clearly 100% stress based – hello migrane came first day due back at college!!), when issues with my spleen came up I was not in the least bit surprised. Adrenals also cropped up – again, no surprises there.

Your spleen cleanses your blood. And your blood carries all nutrients around your body of course. So if your spleen isn’t doing it’s job; either not enough blood is getting around your body (including your head) or not enough nutrients are getting around your body (including your head) which yes… could possibly be resulting in headaches! Interesting point numero due.

Additionally, if you think of your spleen as your wok and your kidneys as your fire, cold raw foods are seen as damp logs on the fire – these foods won’t cook very well in the wok. Warmer foods will. Cooked foods will. Interesting point numero tre. Food for thought...

In my case, there are also (more often than not of late) issues with my adrenals. These babies are located just above your kidneys and in a nutshell, they are HUGE in relation to your stress levels. If you’re stressed your adrenals will be feeling it (Reishi tea I’m coming for you honey!). For me – I could’ve ticked that box before I went in. I’m the first to admit I make mountains out of molehills and am forever trying to reach up to my high high expectations of myself, and wanting/trying/feeling the need to always be doing so so much! CAUTION: ADRENAL FAILURE right there!

So to put it in a pretty picture – high expectations, stress, and wanting to always achieve lead me to over-thinking, worrying, and a hell of a lot of time spent in my head going here, there and everywhere… (as for lying in bed EXHAUSTED at night but UNABLE to sleep… adrenals!!) This literally up-roots my energy, pulling me away from the Earth so I’m not grounded at all. Vicious cycle coz not being grounded only makes things in my head go even more coo-coo. A lack of blood getting around and/or a lack of nutrients being carried in my blood means there’s less of it or less goodies in it getting to my head, which of course would be impacting on the frequency and severity of my headaches and migranes.

But back to the samosa…

The thought of warm nourishing wholefoods has felt good recently. The thought of it even feels very earthing. And I’m an Earth girl suffering from a lack of Earth right now! It almost feels like something I need to go back to for a bit to see how things unravel. My body is never wrong. My mind often can be, and others’ minds often can me wrongly influencing mine. But my body never lies.

So after my appointment this afternoon, and a light day of juices (new one invented - you gotta try pear, lemon, ginger and beetroot OMG), nuts and seeds, I was walking home past the little Indian curry place and I had the same thought; “mmm vegie samosa”, and then something changed and I turned around and walked in.

“One vegetable samosa please” with a big grin on my face. And it felt perfect. It felt nourishing to do so. A little surreally perfect infact.

And so after my coffee meditation, I enjoyed it. It was pleasurable. Meditative. Delicious.

Every. Little. Bit(e).

And that's exactly how a migrane is so totally related to eating a vegie samosa  :)
Everything is inexticably linked...